Why?

So pretty much, Jesus woke me up in the middle of the night tonight with some melodies on my mind. I tried to go back to sleep for about 45 minutes. No luck. So this is what came out.

Before I share the lyrics (they're pretty raw and not sugar coated) I want to give a little backstory on why this is on my heart. So here goes...

On Friday we were given the privilege of leading worship for an Easter service with one of the local Christian schools. We chose to sing the song "in Christ alone." god ruined me with that song. He smacked me in the face with the question "do you actually know what you're singing?"

Think about it.

"in CHRIST alone...my hope is found."

First off..how many times does it go more like this in my life...

"in Christ (most of the time)...my hope is found."

Or

"in Christ (sometimes)...my hope is found."

Or take this line:

"what heights of love, what depths of peace. When fears are stilled, when strivings cease."

Has anyone ever actually read that line? It says "when STRIVINGS CEASE."

Then why does it seem like our worship is full of striving? Like its a production? Like if we can only nail that solo, or get those perfect harmonies, or like if we get the perfect sound mix then it will somehow be 'good worship.'

Or from another song:

We Sang the song "amazing love." I dont know how well known it is but the chorus goes like this:

"amazing love, how can it be?
That you my king would die for me.
Amazing love, I know it's true.
And it's my joy to honor you.
In all I do, I honor you."

Why is that a normal worship song? Why? Seriously...why? Think about what the song is saying.

Its asking how can it be that Jesus, our KING, died for us. It's claiming to be amazing. It's declaring that it's our joy to honor him in everything we do. How many of us actually believe that? How many of us claim that it's hard to love people? How many of us say that at times we don't feel like following Jesus because it's easier to do something else? But I thought it was our honor to follow him? That's what we just sang in the song at least...

No, I'm not questioning my faith. No, I'm not questioning why I worship Jesus. This song is simply getting raw and asking why we don't worship Jesus.

This isn't a call to guilt, it's a cry for authenticity...both from my heart as well as my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

Well, that got a lot longer than I originally planned...so here it is:

Title: why?

Verse 1:
Why do I sing
Why do i worship
Why do I call out
Things I don't mean
What do I mean?

Why do I close my eyes
Why do I kneel down
Why do I cry
Why
Oh why?

chorus:
I'm tired of all these empty words.
Hallow surrender to your will
I open my mouth and speak these lies.
Like my life is yours.
Or
I've given it up it's not for me.
How can I stand here and simply sing
It's yours.
Is it yours?

Verse 2:
Why do I come?
Why do I lift up my hands
And pretend to honor
You god?
Are you God?

Why do I vow
To serve you or
Why do I bow
To pretend that you're worthy
Of something that you're oh so worthy of?

chorus 2:
A life lived for you that's not my own.
A heart given up for you to show
Your love through
Your life through
and
I've given it up, my everything
I'll give anything to glorify your name
Because you deserve it
Oh you so deserve it.



Still finishing it. That's just a heart piece from me...I don't want it to come off as anything more than a cry of my heart simply asking why. Absolutely no judgement, because it's me asking myself out loud more than anything.